I need more arms

I'm adding "swimming" to my list of things that are difficult to do with a baby.

Actually, the swimming itself isn't a problem. The problem is what comes after the swimming: the rinsing/drying/changing extravaganza. Trying to rinse off in the shower, then dry off the baby, put his diaper on, get his clothes on and then put him somewhere safe while you dry yourself off and change into your street clothes is challenging. Especially in a wet locker room crowded with two dozen other moms and their kids. I think it will be a lot easier once Zachary is standing (or at least sitting up very securely) so I can set him down while I try to get things organized. But nonetheless, we had a fun time at our first swim lesson! And we eventually managed to get out of there dry and fully clothed.

I scream

I have a new favorite ice cream. I know, a lactose-intolerant woman who is nursing a baby with dairy sensitivities has no business having ANY ice cream, let alone a new favorite flavor. But you've got to try this! It's Fleur de Sel Caramel ice cream from Haagen Dazs. YUM. If you like salt caramels like those from Fran's Chocolates, then you will love this ice cream. I just wish they had it in a dark chocolate version too.

My horoscope

From Astrology.com:

"Today marks the beginning of a very relaxed and carefree time in your life! Projects have been completed, tasks have been finished and goals have been attained. Now you should just kick back and schedule some time off! Explore a new hobby, or pick up a juicy book you've wanted to crack open. Your brain is open to new ideas and new ways of doing things, so fill it up! Step out of your comfort zone -- it will feel a bit scary, but only in the most exciting way."

At first I thought this was spot-on, but then I picked up on key words like "relaxed", "carefree", "kick back" and "time off". My time off used to be when I was at work, where I had the freedom to do things like make a latte or go to the restroom or even -- gasp! -- run out for a quick bite to eat without having to worry about naps, feedings, or packing up a baby plus the 90 lbs of gear he requires.

Regardless, the general gist of this horoscope is right. Today marks the start of my new life! And to celebrate, I'm sitting here in my bathrobe eating a cupcake while Zachary naps...

...but now I have to hop in the shower, because I have a meeting in an hour. I'm as bad at retiring as my dad is.

Scene from a sitcom -- where's the canned laughter?

Yesterday evening was quite exciting in our household. Zachary was cranky all day, so it had already been a very long day. I'm not sure what was going on with my normally sweet-natured little guy, but if he wasn't eating, sleeping, or being held, he was screaming. So much so that I even heard the neighbors commenting on it to one another ("Boy, sounds like someone isn't too happy today!"). One small mercy was that his overwhelming crankiness didn't interfere with his napping at all.

By the time Chris came home from work, Zachary was teetering on the brink of a complete meltdown. I asked Chris to get the air conditioner we bought for the nursery while I cleaned up Zachary, so that we could try to install the A/C before he went to bed (one possible contributor to the crankiness could be the stifling hot sauna of a room he sleeps in).

Installing the A/C is a 2-person job (why are they so darn heavy?), so Chris put Zachary in his crib while we worked. Of course, Zachary started crying. Meanwhile, we realized that we need something to secure the window sash, since it is the only thing keeping the A/C unit from falling out of the window. So Chris ran out to the garage to get some wood while I held the A/C unit in the window. At this point, Zachary had escalated his crying to a full blood-curdling scream. I thought that Chris was just getting the wood, but when he didn't return, I realized that he planned to cut it as well...while I was kneeling at the window, keeping a 50lb A/C unit from falling out and trying to comfort my screaming baby from across the room.

I yelled for Chris but he didn't hear me. So I yanked the A/C back into the room (scraping up my arms in the process) and put it on the floor so that I could pick up Zachary. As I tried to comfort Zachary, Chris came back upstairs and put the A/C back in the window so that we could measure the size of window jam we need. Unfortunately, he grabbed the A/C around the back, where it is covered with a razor-sharp screen. He nearly dropped the A/C out the window, he was bleeding all over the floor of the nursery, and the baby was still screaming his head off.

30 frazzled minutes later, Zachary was in bed for the night (with the air cooler from A-mah to keep his room comfortable), Chris' fingers were bandaged up, and I had scraped up arms and a massive headache. What a day.

Today is the first day of my new life!

Or is the the last day of my old life? I don't think either is accurate, because my "old" life ended back when I found out that I was pregnant and my "new" life is still being defined. And trust me, I'm as surprised as anyone to find out how things are turning out!

In honor of my last day of work, of course I had to push things to the limit and stay up most of the night to get things wrapped up. I never had a chance to go into the office to pack up my desk because of Zachary (it's amazing how hard it is to get anything done when you have a baby who 1. has a meltdown if he doesn't get his naps; 2. refuses to nap anywhere but in his crib; 3. eats solid meals twice a day, which must be timed in order to not interfere with nursing; and 4. is no longer content to hang out by himself). So last night, I went into the office in the middle of the night to make my last free latte and pack up my desk. I made it home at 2:30 AM, giving me just enough time to change, crawl into bed, and barely fall asleep before getting up at 3:15 AM to nurse Zachary.

So I've packed up my desk, cleared off my laptop, and moved all of my work clothes to the back of the closet. Now what? Now that I'm an official SAHM, am I going to turn into Polly Homemaker, like the picture above? I seriously doubt it. Even though I have (somewhat uncharacteristically) decided to step off the career track for a while in order to focus on being a mom, I am still the same person. I may not be tracking projects or implementing systems, but I'm probably going to find some reason to put together a few spreadsheets or do a bit of coding. Because, contrary to what a sane person may think, that is fun for me.

I've been thinking about the various nicknames that I've received at work over the years. Never have I been dubbed "Mom" or "Mother Hen" or "Den Mother" or anything nurturing and maternal like that*. No, I'm "Matrix Queen", "Super Devil's Advocate", "Rock of Skepticism", "Gattaca", and "Pays Very Close Attention to Detail (aka Anal Retentive)", to name a few. And I have to admit, one of the best compliments I've received from a superior was, "B*tch suits you -- you should do it more often."

So no, as much as I adore my baby and love being a mom, I don't think I have it in me to become June Cleaver. My version of SAHM is going to be much closer to the following image, courtesy of my neighborhood mommy networking group. Instead of "Hi Honey", I tend more towards "Hiiii-YA!"

*Actually, I do have one nickname that could be construed as being nurturing: "Coach". But it wasn't given to me in the context of anything remotely maternal.

This post is brought to you by Chris

I used to joke about wanting to find a job where I would get paid to do the things I like to do: write my blogs, take pictures, go on hikes, read everything from classics to trashy gossip, make photo books, play with Zachary, bother Cowboy, eat noodles, etc. I would enjoy myself, and my happiness would bring a bit more cheer to the world in general. I mean, who can deny that we need more cheer in this world?

Although I haven't found a job like that, I've realized that I've got a close approximation: a sponsor*. My new SAH life is being sponsored by Chris. What a guy! I wonder if I'll have to start wearing his name on my clothing, the way Tiger Woods wears Nike.

*I bet some of you thought I was going to say "sugar daddy". If I had a sugar daddy, I would be directing my nanny to load my Bugaboo into the back of my Lexus RX as I head to the spa for my weekly facial and massage while said nanny takes Zachary for a walk. Instead, I am lugging Zachary in his car seat out to my VW so that I can run to Safeway to pick up some groceries for my WmD alter ego. And I'm happy as a clam.

Baptizing babyhill

I'm excited to announce that we've arranged Zachary's baptism! It's taken us a bit longer than expected, because we had to work with two different churches and figure out some tricky logistics in order to make it happen. But it's all worked out, and we'll be flying back to PA at the end of June to have Zachary baptized at Covenant Presbyterian Church in Sharon. My grandmother was a lifelong member there, and I was baptized there many many eons ago. It will be really special, because my dad and our PA family will be there, and hopefully my brother Jim will be able to make it as well! Unfortunately, Zachary's godparents (Margaret and Todd) won't be able to attend, but they're still on the hook to be his moral guardians.

As we were figuring things out between Covenant and our church, a pastor at our church mentioned how baptism includes the congregation. He said, "You will have a congregation of 1200 ready to support and help you!" I asked, "Do they babysit?"

I took Shop instead of Home Ec

In the spirit of Mariah Carey's latest album, E=MC² (it stands for Emancipation = Mariah Carey 2), and to honor the proud Seattle tradition of appropriating a common three-letter acronym to mean something else (PSA = Pine Street Annex, obviously), I've decided to embrace the title "WmD". It means "Wenmei, Domesticated". That's me, the domestic diva.

Hah! Anyone who knows me well is probably rolling on the floor laughing right now. Although I have my moments of domesticity (like when I went on a hat-knitting frenzy two winters ago and knitted a hat a day for several weeks), I'm not exactly known for my flare on the home front. Instead, I've been known to eat the same meal every night for a month (could be noodles, or avocado & cucumber sandwiches, or a bowl of Cheerios), and our refrigerator tends to be stocked with beer and yogurt rather than actual food.

But now that I'm cooking for Zachary (I've read way too many books like "The Omnivore's Dilemma" and therefore will not allow anything that has the slightest possibility of being processed or of containing non-organic ingredients pass through the lips of my precious baby boy), I've started cooking for us as well. Although I'm not as picky about organic for us, considering how much it costs and the fact that we are now living on a single salary.

I wish I had "before" pictures of our refrigerator. To give you an idea, when you opened the door you could hear crickets chirping. And you could watch them sip beer and lick up yogurt in the vast, nearly empty tundra. But look now! There's food in there! And not a single box of take-out! Instead, there are bowls of various homemade dishes, as well as actual staples like eggs and milk!

OK, this might not be that impressive to you, but you didn't see the refrigerator before.

I'm including a couple pictures of our kitchen as well, giving further proof of this new WmD. There are not one, but two pots cooking merrily away on the stove, fresh fruits and veggies on the counters, and did you notice the plate of homemade red velvet cupcakes? And I'm adding a picture of the peaches I blanched for Zachary's food, just because they are pretty.



And yes, I do recognize the incongruity of the fact that I insist on organic homemade foods for Zachary even though he spends the vast majority of his day sticking things such as Chris' phone, my slipper, and Cowboy's tail in his mouth.

"Yaaaaaay!"

I finally got to see Avenue Q!! I've been listening to the soundtrack for over 3 years, but I could never manage to schedule things in order to see the show (it was only in NYC and Vegas for a long time). When I found out they were coming to Seattle, I was online buying tickets the moment they went on sale. Not that I was worried they'd sell out -- it's a musical featuring puppets, after all. I'm just a musical groupie like that. I would have set up my lawn chair and waited on the sidewalk in front of the Paramount for the box office to open, if that were necessary.

Now that I've seen the show, I can't stop grinning. Or singing. Or dancing around. Or giggling. It was fabulous. I loved it all. Including the Bad Idea Bears, pictured.

And yes, I yelled "George Bush!" during the final song and startled Chris. I don't think he was expecting me to yell. At least, not during the show.

SAHM I am

I've recently made a big decision. After 7 years of college and grad school, followed by 11 years of full-time professional work, I've decided to quit my job in order to stay home and raise Zachary for a while. It's been a really tough decision, because I've always been very career-focused and driven to achieve professional success. The thought that I'd leave it all to raise my child was laughable to me a few years ago, but things changed once I had Zachary. My focus sharpened, my priorities shifted, and my perspective changed.

The perspective is the thing that has been most interesting to me, because my perspective on things has gotten both narrower and wider. No longer do I think in terms of next month's deadline or next year's project roll-out. I think about this afternoon's nap and tomorrow's new solid food introduction. At the same time, I think about how the two years it takes to deploy one enterprise-wide project is the same two years that it will take for my son to grow from a helpless newborn to a walking, talking toddler.

Looking at things that way makes me realize that taking a few years off now is only a drop in the bucket professionally, but it's a huge investment in my baby's (and my) life. In a few years (or a few months -- who knows how things will go) I can always go back to work. But I can't look back five years from now and say, "Oh, I think I'd rather be home with Zachary to watch and help him grow." And I have serious doubts that I would feel as fulfilled by systems and processes I deploy as I will by the things I'll learn from and teach to my son as he discovers his world.

So, starting on June 21st (the first day of summer, the first day of this next phase of life), I will officially be a SAHM: stay-at-home-mom. I have a lot of thoughts about this as I'm working through things, and I'll probably be posting them here.

A wonderful part of this has been the amazing support I've gotten from my friends and family. To a person, each one has said, "Congratulations!" when I tell them. One in particular said something that I really appreciate: "Finally, you're going to put that MIT education to good use." Thanks, Mike. That's how I feel too.

Oh, by the way, I got a haircut. I always seem to do that when I'm about to embark on something new (as anyone who has witnessed me hacking off 12+ inches of hair after every graduation, break-up, or new job can attest to). At least I didn't get anything pierced this time.