Identity crisis

Last night, Meg asked me how it was to become a mom. A lot of friends have asked that, and I haven't been able to give a very good answer.

It wasn't that difficult for me to become a mom (emotionally...the whole pregnancy/labor/delivery thing is a different topic altogether!). Once Zachary was born, I felt an incredible rush of love and awe about this miracle that is my baby son. I will do anything to keep him safe and healthy, and even though he was the first newborn I've ever held, it felt natural and right. So becoming a mom was pretty easy.

Figuring out how to still be myself is the harder part. I'm still struggling with this. Before having Zachary, I had a very full and fulfilling life. I was a wife, daughter, friend, dog-lover, hiker, climber, skier, kayaker, cowgirl-wannabe, traveler, reader, knitter, website surfer, gossip junkie, business IT geek. I loved my family, my friends, my job, my life. Now, I am still all of those things...but how?

Being a mother to a newborn takes up all of my time and energy -- how in the world am I supposed to fit those other things back into my life? I know that I will not be able to completely go back to my prior lifestyle, but I also recognize that I can't give it all up either. That would be unhealthy for both me AND my family. I need to figure out how to fit "mother" into that list of things (of course, it would be at the front of the list) without wiping out the rest of the list entirely.

I am slowly figuring things out, and I know that it will get easier as time goes on and as Zachary grows up and becomes more independent. And while I am looking forward to finding the balance we need, I am also a little bit sad about how quickly he is growing and changing. Each day gets better though, so I can only imagine how much MORE magical it's going to be.

So Meg (and everyone else who's asked or wondered): For me, becoming "mom" was pretty easy. Figuring out how to still be "me" is a little more challenging. But I'll get there!